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4 New Year's Resolutions You Can't Possibly Screw Up This Year
2016 has been a fetid, soggy diaper bag of a year. A few neat things have happened, but on the whole, the past twelve months have been a non-stop avalanche of political turmoil, neo-Nazis, fake news...
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The Marvellous Mr. Marble
Those of you who obsessively follow my fledgling writing career (which should really be all of you) will probably remember that I got a short story accepted for publication a few weeks ago. Good news,...
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How to Get Through Election Day 2016
Well, folks, after four solid years of campaigning, the day of the 2016 American Presidential Election has finally arrived.Depicted here.As we all wait to find out whether we'll be celebrating the...
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Two New Cracked Articles!
Earlier this week, I was scrolling through my Facebook feed like a good little mindless millennial, when I stumbled across an article that was a list of unsolved murders. Being the sort of person who...
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Getting My First Short Story Published!
If you've kept a close eye on my website navigation bar, you might have noticed there's a new category called "Short Stories". Nothing gets past you, champ.After two solid years of psyching myself up...
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Over-Analyzing "The Purge": 4 Reasons Why the Purge is Even More Terrible...
At this point, we can all pretty much agree that 2016 has been one shit-laden clusterfuck of a year. And in honour of that shit-laden clusterfuck, I recently watched the only movie that really sums up...
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5 Things Men Do When They Are (Way, Way Too) Into You
There are two things I enjoy most in this world: key lime pie, and making fun of horrible advice I find on the internet. And since I'm currently rocking the physique of a butternut squash, the only joy...
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Update on Cracked Stuff
If you're reading this, there's about a 50/50 chance that you found my website via Cracked.com. You either found me on here, or you're probably my mom. Hi, mom.For those of you who are new to "the...
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Why I'll Never Open a Hedgehog Cafe
A few months ago, I became aware of a pet hedgehog living in less-than-ideal circumstances who needed a new home. Despite the fact that I have never owned a hedgehog, nor have I ever felt a burning...
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10 Things Idiots Wish Women Knew About Dating
Everything and everyone that uses the word 'millennial' is terrible.For those of you who have spent the last thirty years living alone in an underground bunker because no one told you the Cold War was...
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For Real, Stop Learning About Human Psychology on Facebook (Part Three)
After five years and an amount of tuition money that will forever turn up in my nightmares, I am the proud holder of a psychology degree. It might not be the most practical degree, but it does have one...
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Announcing the Six Finest Candidates for the Supreme Court of the United States
If you weren't in a coma on February 13th, 2016, and you occasionally leave the TV news playing in the background, you were probably surprised to hear about the death of Supreme Court judge and...
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For Real, Stop Learning About Human Psychology on Facebook (Part Two)
Last week, I stumbled on the motherlode of bad psychology information floating around my Facebook newsfeed. I went to school for a long time to study psychology. I have a full-time job in psychology....
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For Real, Stop Learning About Human Psychology on Facebook (Part One)
If you've read this blog for any substantial length of time, you'll know that I love psychology enough to hold a shiny degree in it (followed by an actual, honest-to-god full-time job in it), and I...
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Cracked Article #4
As most of my regular readers/devoted followers/binocular-wielding stalkers already know, I write for Cracked.com from time to time. This is one of those times.Brace yourselves, it's a weird article...
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Four New Year's Resolutions You Might Actually Keep in 2016
Well, it's that time of year again, and this time we're staring down the barrel of the year 2016. To all of you future space-people reading this thousands of years from now, yes, we do have hoverboards...
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5 Last Minute Gifts for Every Situation
Well, you fucked up again.You were supposed to have all your Christmas shopping done by now, because it's halfway through goddamn December, and depending on which major holiday you subscribe to, you...
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23 Things You're Too Old for Now That You're 23
Recently, an old VICE article popped up on my Facebook newsfeed, loudly proclaiming all the things that the author believes people are far too old for once they blow out the candles on their 25th...
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My Third Cracked Article
As most of my faithful blog followers already know, I write for Cracked.com.These guys.If you've stumbled randomly upon my blog while traversing the abyss of the internet, and my finicky website is...
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How to Write the Perfect Cover Letter
I suck at cover letters.There are several things in life that I am terrible at, and "writing cover letters" is up there, nestled snugly in between "pole dancing" and "seductive horse whispering". On...
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